Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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