there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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