I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
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I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
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It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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