Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
