Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
