They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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