I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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