Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Can Purell be used as lube?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
