I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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