twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
and you fell through a lawn chair
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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