I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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