Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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