Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
