So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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