I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
