It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
