It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
