I hate all girls vehemently.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
