the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
