she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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