U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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