i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
