i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The air was thick with penises
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
