don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
