You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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