This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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