I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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