i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
