why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
