ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
where am i from again
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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