Pass out mid-funnel last night.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
not ubering you a puppy
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
