I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize