There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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