I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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