No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
