While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
