I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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