He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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