we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Can you bring me the toilet please
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
