Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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