Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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