dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
try to milk me bitch
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