wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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