my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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