if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
