You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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