Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
