This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
