I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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