I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You are the jesus of drinking
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
