so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize