i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
