I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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