C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
