Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
