you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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