enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
