Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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