I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
