Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
