just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
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I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
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At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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