I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
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I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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