apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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