Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My cat gives me a boner
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I have fence marks all over my body
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
