You're my little dorito
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
