I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
