grandma shit on top of the toilet
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
